Depression is a bitch, let me just tell you that. Last night I was ruefully thinking how much easier it was when I could just medicate with food. Stupid feelings. I think I’m at the point where I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor….I need a refill on my other meds anyway.

First week of Project Kassandra had its ups and downs. But the biggest up is that I’m not giving up even though it wasn’t perfect, because in the past I would have missed one tiny detail and thrown my hands up and called my efforts a failure. But the point of it being a PROJECT is that there is ongoing improvement. This is building a good life, not just pretending I’m something I’m not.

So first and foremost, I got the best possible news – work from home for my job is extended into SEPTEMBER 30TH! That’s better than I even hoped for, which means Project Kassandra was upgraded to 17 weeks. And it might be even longer – our CEO said yesterday that they will re-evaluate at that time.

So the good is I did exercise (a lot!) and I did close all my rings and drink a lot of water and nary a bad carb passed my lips. I did not do as well at work as I would have liked, and the schedule was definitely not what I preferred, but the point is, I did it, and I’ve identified areas that need improvement. FOR INSTANCE, I used to be a dedicated night-time exerciser. Evening workouts were my jam! However, I discovered I have WAY more energy during the day. And the beauty is that since I am working from home I can totally take time in the middle of the day to knock out a work out.

The down side is I went to the BLM protest (say their names!) and got heat stroke and almost couldn’t walk the 1 mile back to my car and I have never felt like a more worthless piece of crap. It didn’t help that I was wearing jeans (can’t trust the police not to fire tear gas or rubber bullets at us, thankfully they didn’t) and it was SO HOT and in the middle of the day, but….I’m already struggling with being depressed and having to walk 10 feet then stop was not helping with my self-esteem. And of course I was with my brother who is the fittest person I know, and he acted like it was nothing, despite wearing jeans AND a jacket….ugh. It was a low point. But I vowed to walk, walk, walk until I can’t walk anymore and never let that happen again. Damn my fair Irish side, I’m calling on my Arab ancestors to help me deal with this blistering heat.

This week has started off better – although I still need to work on getting a more regimented schedule down, yesterday I knocked two work projects off my list that I have been procrastinating on (one, in fact, that I had not done for SIX MONTHS.). So, I hope to focus a little more on work this week. I also haven’t started language lessons, but I’m having so much trouble making up my mind. I want to learn Czech, because it would help me with work. I want to learn Swedish, because I want to travel to Sweden someday. I want to learn Spanish, because I used to be quite fluent and I would like to get that back, plus I really want to visit Spain. So not being able to make a decision makes me procrastinate starting it.