It’s coming up on one year since the first time I sat on Griffy’s back, and got to walk him slowly around the arena with the biggest smile on my face. I remember it was after my lesson on Paddington, when J saddled him up. I parked myself on the mounting block to watch them, because she is an amazing rider and I love watching her anyway, but I was extra interested in seeing how Griffy was under saddle. After a few minutes, she asked me “Where’s your helmet?”

“In the barn,” I answered, totally not getting the point of the question. She smiled at me.

“Why don’t you go get it?”

Realizing what she was saying, I sprinted in and grabbed it, and then got to walk in some very slow circles. I already loved him, but getting to ride him was magical.

My goal has always been to do mounted archery, and I know he’s going to be my archery horse. I’ve tried to find a place to do lessons without luck, and I’ve tried to do some training myself, but I’ve been really inconsistent.

Do you ever have a dream, and then get scared when you start getting close to realizing the dream, because you feel like you don’t deserve it? So you kind of end up sabotaging yourself? Yeah, that’s me.

I haven’t been consistent in training Griffy because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I don’t deserve him as a horse because I’m too fat. I don’t deserve to be a mounted archer, because I don’t look like I think I should.

Woof. That was hard to admit.

Well this year I’m surging forward and leaving that behind – we’re going to start training seriously, right now, today. I’m going to blog about it. I’m going to post videos. I’m going to search out & ask for help instead of just whining about how there’s no easy way to find lessons or the local club isn’t welcoming or whatever else. At the end of this year, I’m going to be a mounted archer, even if we only ever do it at a walk (more on that in a later entry, but the TLDR is that Griffy is healing from an injury.) No more letting my own stupid mental issues get in the way of chasing my dreams.