I woke up today in a fit of anxiety, and I haven’t been able to fully shake it all day. There’s a lot of work stress happening right now, between my new job that I feel wildly unqualified for (and I swear if I hear the phrase “imposter syndrome” one more time…) and my other job where things are not going well…ugh. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I won’t have enough money to retire and I was going to be destitute and starving in old age which like….what? I’m not saying I’m fully funded (or even remotely close) but also I have at least 20 years of working left so like….there’s really no reason to worry. I tried sitting down and making some financial plans which helped a little, but I dunno. I am pretty sure I’m sliding into depression again, which is interesting because this is the same time of year it got really bad in 2020. I wonder if this is somehow cyclical, I would say seasonal but that’s correlated to not getting enough sunlight and that is nobody’s problem in Central Texas right now.

Had a pretty big food challenge at work – we order from a service called Lunch Drop which used to be great but for some reason has been brining lunches late. They give you two choices of restaurant, todays was Mediterranean and Chines which is a tough one for me because those are two of my favorites, but I went with Mediterranean because it was healthier (got a Gyro salad.) Well, everyone else got Chinese, their food got here EARLY, mine was super late, and I was STAR. VING. So I sat here listening to everyone else chat and eat while I sulked and got hangry. When they deliver food, they leave it in this little bodega on the first floor that is just chock full of unhealthy snacks, and man was I tempted. While I was waiting I kept telling myself to relax, that the food would come and while I was hungry NOW I could choose not to do anything about it. That was a rough ride but I did it. Then when I got my food I was so tempted to buy something else, and while I knew I didn’t really need it at least I made a good choice and got pepperoni/cheese rolls instead of a candy bar. But I did notice that even though I kept thinking the salad would not be enough food, it totally was. So I’m making progress, slowly but surely, on managing my food & eating.

Just now I was really wanting candy (which we sadly stock for free in our office….) so I went for a walk instead. Checked out the fitness center (it’s tiny), was going to go walk on the trail but two guys went down right as I was and I was not in the mood for company (not that they would have talked to me, but you know, it would have been that awkward thing where we are all like right there.) Anyhoo at least I got up from desk for a few. I would really like to make 10,000 steps a day a goal, but that will take some tremendous work – today I am in the office and have only done 3,000.